Confessions of a Stay at Home Mom

-Once I found fingernail clippings, tomato skins, and brownie crumbs in my nursing bra tank top.  On the same day.

-If both kids are ever asleep at the same time I don’t dare walk through their rooms to get to the bathroom.  Instead, I pee outside even if it is pouring rain.

-This summer we went on vacation.  The baby spit up like crazy for most of the trip.  Despite this, we bathed him only twice in 3 weeks.

-I have worn the same 2 pairs of pants for the last 6 months.

-The only world news I hear comes from my husband and Facebook.  While I realize how sad, not to mention unfeminist this is, I also realize that every single time I try to stream NPR my daughter begs for the Name Game song or the Monster Mash song or the Ding-a-ling song and I decide the news can wait.

-While recently changing my baby at the doctor’s office I noticed that my travel wipes container had poop smeared all over it.  The nurse noticed too.

-Last week I heard myself tell my daughter, “Keep an eye on your brother for a minute”.  Bah!  She’s barely two!  And super bossy.  And should in no way be responsible for her little brother.  What was I thinking?

-We got our daughter her own library card when she was 2 months old.  With our second kid we barely remember to read to him at all.  Sounds awful, I know.  Then again, there are only so many hours in the day and so many of them seem to be filled with wiping butts…..

-One of my daughter’s favorite books (which happened to come in a Cheerios box) was recently taken out of rotation so that it could go to surgery.  After assessing the number of rips and tears and staples that were falling out, I opted to recycle it instead.   She has been asking me where it is for at least a week.  “On vacation,” I tell her.  Shame, shame.

-Every time I think to check my shirt for large gross spots when in public, I find a large one on my right shoulder where the baby’s mouth likes to rest.  They usually have a white hue, sometimes orange now that we’ve started on sweet potatoes, squash, and carrots.  I notice others trying not to look at it.  That’s nice of them, I guess.

-When I succeed in removing boogers from the baby’s nose I sometimes wipe them on my husband’s pillow.  Passive aggressive?  No, just convenient.  Well, most likely he has been wiping his own boogers on my pillow for a long time now.  Ahhh, share and share alike.

What’s your confession?

 

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